When I was dating Ben, I was easily amused by visits to his grandparents’ house.
“Mother, could you please pass the butter?”
“Mother, fetch me some water.”
We would sit around the table with his elderly grandparents, the epitome of what grandparents should be–he, a begrudging old man fondly dubbed “Grumpa,” and she, a saint of a woman who would literally never say a bad word about anyone. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, she asked me how my “condition” was. I stared at her, confused, and started rambling about my slight cold, not realizing she meant my pregnancy…she is just that genteel.
I remember watching them, a smile on my face, pondering how funny it was that even after all of these years of children out of the house, they still called each other by their roles as parents.
Part of me even wondered if that was healthy. I would shake my head in fond amusement at their lively conversations, sure that my marriage would be different, sure that I would always remember my husband for who he was without children, sure that I would never embarrass him in public by calling him “Daddy” in the store.
Fast forward nine years.
This morning I called Ben “Daddy” over breakfast.
This afternoon I called him “Daddy” as we laid kids down for a nap.
And I know, with certainty, that I have called him “Daddy” at the store within the last week alone, no children even in sight.
Oops.
I’m really not sure where I went wrong. Maybe it had something to do with the pride in seeing him as a Daddy for the first time with Ada. My heart literally felt like it could burst just watching him hold her…I loved that we were “Daddy” and “Mama” together.
I’m sure another part of it is just plain convenience. The number of times I will say, “Go ask your Dad,” or “Wait until Daddy gets home” are just a normal part of our daily routine. I get used to calling him by his parent role for the girls’ sake…and it just kind of sticks.
I guess I can’t say with certainty anymore that I won’t be calling Ben “Dad” long after our kids have flown the nest.
And I guess I can’t say with certainty that I think it’s a bad thing anymore…
Because after all, you can’t really ask for more in life than sharing some bread and butter with the man who has been by your side, raising daughters and sons as only a father can.
One of my favorite pictures of all time. Daddy and Ada.
Tiny Blue Lines
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Both my sets of grandparents called each other Mother & Daddy or Mama & Daddy. My parents never did that. I have never done that either. My oldest is now 14 and while I say all the time, “go ask Daddy” and other things it has never slipped out where I just call him Daddy. Not that either way is right, I’m just saying. I never thought about it but it would feel weird the first few times anyway. Then I think you will get used to it and before you know it you will be 70 and still calling him Daddy. I think it is cute.
I cannot remember if my grandparents ever did this, but my parents called each other mama and daddy when I was younger, since I’ve graduated high school, they’ve gradually started using their names again.
I can very much see my husband and I using mama and papa while the kids are young, but I don’t know if it will hold over after they are grown, I guess we’ll see:)
I love calling my husband and daughter’s father, “Daddy”. He loves being a Father, and he loves being reminded that it’s one of my favorite traits he has. For us, our identities as parents mean infinitely more than anything else, and calling each other “Mama” and “Daddy” is our way of subtly reminding each other that we MADE the beautiful 4 year old who rules our world. And, as people living with infertility, hell…it’s just nice to remember that we made it. We’re parents. I hope he calls me “Mama” for the rest of my life. <3
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My husband and I call each other mom and dad in front of our sons to avoid confusion. Although we tried not to for a little while, my husband being against it because he heard on Oprah (yes, my husband is a heterosexual male who has seen a few episodes of Oprah… LOL!) that when parents call each other mommy and daddy it diminishes intimacy between the couple. That being said we call each other mom and dad all the time now because my oldest son started calling me Hil. And FYI, we are still very intimate with each other.
My husband and I call each other Mama and Daddy when referring to each other to the kids, but it’s first names only when we’re talking to each other. I don’t need another Daddy, that would just be creepy to call him that without kids as a reason.
I thought your post was cute and sweet. It reminded me of the predictions we make about the future when we are young and how our thoughts and ideas changes as we age and gain experience. I refer to my husband as daddy for and with the children, but call him Darren when the children are not involved. I think like most things, there is no one right procedure, just what works in our individual homes.
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I don’t think I consciously realized I was doing this until this past weekend when a friend from college was visiting and I kept referring to my husband as “Dada”. Eeek! :/
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