What’s the biggest thing that you and your spouse fight about? I’ll tell you what mine is:
Sure, we squabble about money once in a while and we definitely are stressed a lot about childrearing, but hands down, our biggest fights center over our most limited resource: our time.
Lately, I have been feeling so frustrated about this and I just don’t know how to make it better.
The truth is, especially now that I have three kids at home and am back in the breastfeeding game, I really want to pursue freelance writing more as a job and not just something I do once in a while during nap time, but as a legitimate, professional source of income.
The problem is, of course, that getting a freelance writing career off the ground takes time. Time that I don’t have. I could have more time if I had some childcare. But childcare, of course, costs money. Money that I don’t have. It’s kind of a vicious cycle. And therein lies the dilemma.
A good solution would be for Ben to take over the kids once in a while. But by the time he gets home and we talk and we settle on dinner and I feed Jacob and break up fights and start dinner and clean up….the night is gone. I could stay up and work, but my brain turns to mush somewhere around 10 p.m. and anything I write is just trash anyways. I could get up earlier and work, but it’s inevitable that if I get up early, the kids will too.
And then there’s the weekends. Which, of course, are my husband’s days off and are filled with a hundred other things–there’s always lawns to be mowed and woodworking projects to work on and things that are broken and family stuff going on.
I don’t know how to make it better. Every time we try to “talk,” we end up fighting. He feels I just want to keep him home just for the heck of it and I feel like he can’t understand that I really want him to see my writing as a job, and not just as a fun-for-me-time. I hate that I have to claw and beg for time to do the work that I want to do, let alone anything fun for myself. It doesn’t feel good, you know? It’s not like he has to consult with me before he heads off to work in the morning…And then throw in the fact that I have to find time to, you know, actually go back to the job that makes me money at the hospital and I want to just give up.
The worst part about all of this is that I feel like it’s just me. I never hear other people struggle with this. It seems like all of my other mom friends are just fine with having their husbands gone 24/7, so what’s wrong with me?
I don’t know, maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m not. But whatever it is, I sure hope it gets a little bit better this week. It’s a good thing I have such a handsome little man at home that will give me all the kisses I want.